09 March 2014

When you lose control... who holds you back?

We've all done it - lost our temper and cursed or yelled or thrown something when we've reached that breaking point, that point of no return.

And we're told or we tell ourselves over and over again that this will be the last time.

Basically we lie to ourselves.

But I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with trying to be better, aspire to be more in control of one's emotions and feelings especially in a society where, according to the latest headlines, you're likely to be shot for tossing popcorn into someone's face or run off the road and killed for flipping the bird to an angry driver.

When I developed the character of Rebecca Desjardin from "Blood of the Pride" I wanted to give her some sort of problem, something she couldn't control. I went with her being unable to shift on will into her Felis shape, unable to control her ability to become a cat shifter. She discovers, after years of not being able to shift, that she *can* but only under dire circumstances when she needs to do so to save her mate, Brandon. A human who, by the way, definitely can't shift. He provides an anchor in her emotional storm when she shifts in public and needs to get herself back under control before her secret is out.

I have to admit to having to depend on my husband at times to bring me "down" when I get angry - he's the rock I can hold onto when I lose my temper and he knows when to let me rant and when to pull me back. Usually before I start breaking things. *grins*

Reb still doesn't have full control over her shifting by the fourth book in the series, "Battle Scars" and she might never have the control she wishes or that the rest of her Pride wishes she had. But like all of us she'll keep on trying to stay in command of her faculties and keep on trying to be better than what she is presently.

As we move into Lent (yeah, even this really lapsed-Catholic) I'm going to try and keep better control over my emotions and my temper. Especially when knives are within reach. And I know I'll fail but darn it, I'll keep on trying.

Because it's part of being human. And no matter who or what you are there's always room for improvement. *winks*
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