05 November 2008

Hot Mess

My most recent release from Samhain came out yesterday. Liam's Gold is a hot paranormal romance about a rascally leprechaun and the girl next door, and if you're interested, here's the link: http://samhainpublishing.com/excerpt/liams-gold

This book is hot isn't the "hot mess" I'm talking about in the title of this post, though. That refers to something else. My cooking--rather, my cooking when I'm in the middle of a writing or promotional project and don't exactly...pay attention. Or plan ahead.

This particular cooking fiasco, in fact, is partly due to this blog. Yes, I blame Carolan :). I was distracted, my mind on a piece of serial fiction I've been posting at another blog and what I wanted to blog about here tonight. I wanted a meal that was quick, healthy, easy, tasty, and comprised of items already in my cupboard.

Too much to ask for? You be the judge....

“Quick and Easy Black Beans”

2 cans black beans (plain, not seasoned)
2 cans diced tomato (Mexican, chili-ready, your preference)
1 can corn (or frozen corn)
chili powder to taste
garlic powder to taste
cumin optional

1) Empty beans into the saucepan.
Note 1: I do not recommend turning on the burner beneath the saucepan and then forgetting it was on so that the saucepan gets really hot and sizzles and splatters the bean juice into your face when you dump them in.
Note 2: Not even if your kid is in the bathroom yelling for you to come quick.
Note 3: Unless she says the toilet is overflowing. And if so, be aware she’s been standing there watching it for 45 seconds already and the bathroom has an inch of toilet water in the floor.
Note 4: Back in the kitchen, finally, you may want to drain and rinse the beans in a colander first. It rinses the excess sodium and reduces the sauce that *may* later give the beans an overly soupy consistency. That your child will refer to as "poopy" for obvious reasons.

2) Empty tomatoes into the saucepan.
Note 1: I do not recommend using tomatoes with added hot peppers if you are planning on trying to convince your kids to eat the beans.
Note 2: I also do not recommend adding sugar to the beans to reduce the burning sensation with the bribe of sweetness.
Note 3: Or salt.
Note 4: Or barbecue seasoning.

3) Empty corn into saucepan.
Note 1: I do not recommend allowing the children to accompany you into the garage, where the deep freezer is, when you go look for your bag of frozen corn.
Note 2: At the same time, I do not recommend leaving your children alone in the house, not for a second. Remember the toilet?
Note 3: I do not recommend, after you’ve pulled the children out from under the car, off the workbench and made them pick up all the recycling, forgetting to take your husband’s tools off the lid of the large chest freezer before you open it.
Note 4: I do not recommend, after you dragged the tools out from behind the stupid freezer and then, to add insult to injury, failed to locate that blasted bag of frozen corn, resorting to a can of CREAMED corn from the seldom-seen back corner of the pantry.
Note 5: Just because the can of CREAMED corn is expiring this month doesn’t mean you have to use it. Really!

4) Add garlic & chili powder to taste. Cumin optional.
Note 1: After you *might* have added CREAMED corn instead of normal corn, I do not recommend doubling up on chili power in hopes of counteracting the sugar you *may* have added to the beans in step 2 and the sugar in the CREAMED corn that expires this month. Your taste testing is not reliable.
Note 2: I also do not recommend adding a little cayenne pepper since the chili powder, well, it seems so mild compared to the cloying sweetness that the CREAMED corn has given your go-to pot of easy beans.
Note 3: I seriously do not recommend asking any of the children to taste the beans because it will set their backs up against it before they even see the soupy mess on their plates at dinner.
Note 4: And when the child in question, pretending to gag on the beans you asked him or her to taste, spits beans on the cat, I do not recommend sending the child to a time out session on the couch. The couch is still within earshot. Send the child to his or her room until it’s time for dinner.
Note 5: But do remember to call the child for dinner, because those scars can last a lifetime. Or so the child would have you believe.

5) Heat through and enjoy!
Note 1: I do not recommend serving this hot mess to the already resistant children. I mean, if you obeyed my recommendations, it’s probably fine, but otherwise, bad idea.
Note 2: When your spouse tastes the beans, I do not recommend that he or she ask what in the world you did to the beans tonight while making a horrible face.

This "recipe" and others like it appear in my bimonthly newsletter here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jodywallace/

Jody W.
http://www.jodywallace.com
LIAM'S GOLD--Available now, Samhain Publishing
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