01 December 2011

13 Things That Did Not Happen In Claustrophobic Christmas

13 Things That Would Have Made It Even Harder for Darcy and James to Get Their Romance On

My latest Samhain release doesn’t have anything paranormal in it, I'm embarrassed to admit. It's the tale of snow-crossed lovers stuck in a holiday traffic jam on the interstate. I know, I know, how can you make a sexy situation out of a traffic jam?? Well, let's just say it was cold and they needed to cuddle together for body heat.

Anyway, a reader / Meankitty fan emailed me to say the book would have been a lot funnier if one of the protagonists had been travelling with a bad cat. Yes, yes it would have. But would I have been able to make it a sexy romance? I'm not so sure.

So here's a list of 13 things that would have seriously challenged to my ability to make this traffic jam tale romantic. (Meankitty helped make this list.)

1) One of the protagonists was travelling with a bad cat.

2) One of the protagonists was travelling with a bad cat...and the other was travelling with a bad dog.

3) One of the protagonists was travelling with a bad cat...and the other was travelling with a bad dog who had recently been sprayed by a skunk.

4) One of the protagonists was travelling with a bad cat...and the other was travelling with a bad dog who had recently been sprayed by a skunk and also had diarrhea.

5) One of the protagonists was travelling with a cat...and the other was travelling with a bad dog with diarrhea who had recently been sprayed by a skunk and it was not just any dog but a Saint Bernard.

6) One of the protagonists was travelling with a cat...and the other was travelling with a bad dog with diarrhea who had recently been sprayed by a skunk and it was not just any dog but a Saint Bernard. Also, the Saint Bernard was named "Dumb-ass."

7) One of the protagonists was travelling with a cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car.

8) One of the protagonists was travelling with a cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car and ran across the road, where he jumped in the open window of a police cruiser.

9) One of the protagonists was travelling with a cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car and ran across the road, where he jumped in the open window of a police cruiser and started homping the policeman.

10) One of the protagonists was travelling with a wonderful cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car andran across the road, where he jumped in the open window of a police cruiser and started homping the policeman. When the protagonists went after the dog, the policeman thought it was a set-up and whipped out a gun.

11) One of the protagonists was travelling with a lovely cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car andran across the road, where he jumped in the open window of a police cruiser and started homping the policeman. When the protagonists went after the dog, the policeman thought it was a set-up and whipped out a gun. He arrested the protagonists for public indecency and arrested the dog for assault and battery and...other stuff.

12) One of the protagonists was travelling with an oh so well behaved cat...and the other was travelling with a bad Saint Bernard with diarrhea, Dumb-ass, who had recently been sprayed by a skunk, and all of a sudden, because the protagonists were being romantic instead of paying attention, Dumb-ass escaped from the car andran across the road, where he jumped in the open window of a police cruiser and started homping the policeman. When the protagonists went after the dog, the policeman thought it was a set-up and whipped out a gun. He arrested the protagonists for public indecency and arrested the dog for assault and battery and...other stuff. Their brief stay in the county lockup fostered great resentment in the protagonists for one another, as each blamed the other for having the great idea to pass the time in the traffic jam with some sexxy sexxy, and they never spoke to each other again.

13) One of the protagonists was travelling with a very smart cat...who cleverly hissed at spat at the dog-owner until the romance was nipped in the bud before any of that crap happened. But it was a pretty good story about a cat and her human, in the end.

If you'd like to see how the story ACTUALLY went, you can check it out at my website, where there are buy links and the first chapter is free. Neither Darcy nor James has a pet :).

So, would you read Meankitty's version of the story? Would it be romantic?

Jody W. (w/a Ellie Marvel)
Claustrophobic Christmas - November 2011. All ice will melt.
www.elliemarvel.com * www.meankitty.com
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