19 July 2009

Think you can be a Undercover Agent?

Ever wanted to be one of those kick-ass heroes or heroines that takes on a million bad guys and still come out with their hair pristine and shiny?

Well, I can't do that for you.

But what I can do is give you a nice looking card, a secret code name, access to the files and vaults at Fort Knox...

Uhm, let's backtrack on that a little bit.

Take a peek at this little fella:

PIACT Undiescover Agent Card

What would you think about one of these little dickies with your secret code name splattered right across it.

And, posted on my forum, a 1000 to 3000 word detailed account of your namesake's latest, uhm, trip to mother's. *shhh, we won't tell if you don't.*

All you have to do is read the free fiction of some earlier willing victims, I mean applicants, make a comment on this thread and you'll be put into this month's free draw.

Stories range from serious to funny, sensual to sex free, just let me know if you have a preference--or two. :)

CTR’s Angels and the Perilous Porn Stars
Sensual rating -- HOT!
comedy rating -- Drop Dead Laughter

Prologue – The Arrival

“You’re probably all wondering why I brought you here.” Ferocious Furball said.

And he was right. I, Warrior Wolf, was dead curious to know why all four of us had been brought to Jeffersonville, Indiana to sit on a comfortable semi-circular couch in a dark room to look at a blank backlit screen. A screen with the silhouette of what, presumably, was the Supreme One on Top of the PIACT department. Another silhouette, I assumed was Shimmering Dragon--the First Under the Supreme One on Top, stood beside him.

I had just traveled thirty-six hours lounging in a spa inside a stretch limousine complete with wine bar, satellite TV and four very well muscled male masseuses. Each one having a particularly well endowed muscle that I’d enjoyed to great extent and one reason why the journey took thirty-six hours instead of the usual eighteen—since the two chauffeurs had to take turns too. Sharing the spa, that is.

Lightning Lynx and Formidable Fox must have fared worse. I’d heard reports that their private jets had been almost shot down several times while circling over the white house, no one being able to reach any of the flight staff by radio. But then, having fourteen hunky and able stewards, two pilots and a bartender would have kept them well busy for the flight.

As for Omniscient Otter, she’d walked into the building with a glazed look on her face and a smile wide enough to split the empire state building in two.

“I know I’ve put you all through a lot of trouble…”

“Oh no, no trouble.” I murmured, echoing Fox and Lynx, Otter just grinned wider.

“…but it has come to our attention that several ruthless terrorists have entered the United States of America with the sole purpose of blowing up the world.”

I felt my blood chill, well cool off a bit. Just as well too, I’d started fantasizing about my recent journey, and my journey home, rather than concentrating on the work bit.

“We’ll stop them sir.” Fox snapped the words out. I could imagine her quite as easily leaping onto a plane with fourteen handsome strangers and taking off…

Hold on, I was drifting again.

“…every faith in you.” Furball was saying. “I have chosen you four because each of you has certain…attributes…which will aid in their capture and incarceration.” The coffee table in front of the couch beeped, flipped over and shot four manila envelopes out, one to each of us. Before flopping back and returning to normal. “The history and notes on your respective targets is in your files. Study them well, and be prepared for your missions by 00:01 hours on Friday.” The light behind the screen winked out and the one over our heads lit up dimly. The briefing was over.

“Oh, man, not Friday, that’s my drinking night.” Lynx moaned, fortunately not loud enough for Furball to hear.

“Only three days,” I said. “This one is going to be tough.” I’d been called out of early retirement for this mission and it loomed rather large at the moment.

“We can do it,” Lynx reassured me. “We’ll work as a team, all four of us taking out one terrorist at a time, what do you reckon girls?”

“I’m in,” I said gratefully.

“Me too,” Fox added.

Otter just grinned.

Chapter One, The Fox finds her Den

“This is the place?” I asked, rather dubiously. This beaten down old warehouse in the middle of Louisville’s industrial district didn’t look like an upmarket porn movie studio.

“Well, it’s the latest sighting they have of him,” Fox answered. She didn’t sound too sure herself. “It’s supposed to be on the top floor anyway, and the rest of the building has been abandoned for ages. Let’s see Dennis McLaid, star of sixteen prime rate sex movies and nicknamed ‘The Battering Ram.’”

“Maybe we should go in and take a look.” Lynx suggested.

“Oh, yes,” Otter agreed, licking her lips. “We should definitely take a look.”

We all knew exactly what Otter was thinking. The snapshot Fox had been given, taken from one of his later movies, left no doubt as to how well-endowed this fellow was. If it was less than fifteen inches then I wasn’t a superspy. Of course, that might be true…

“He’s mine,” Fox snapped angrily. “You’ve got your own to go for.”

“Well, if you don’t get a move on with it,” Otter challenged her. “Then I might have to finish your job for you.”

“Right, that does it.” Fox tapped sharply on her left ear, activating the almost invisible headset she wore. We all did the same. “I’m going up.”

It was strange to hear Fox’s voice in delayed stereo, but these devices were useful. Just like the gun, small and lightweight it fired small darts laden with fast acting sedatives. Anyone hit with one of these babies was normally unconscious within seconds. That could be a very big plus on a mission like this.

Fox pulled some gloves and overshoes from the small pack she carried and put them on. The, “Clingers” (patent pending for the PIACT supersecret laboratory), would help her climb almost any vertical surface.

And climb she did, her hands and toes making strange sucking sounds as she stealthily moved up the siding of the warehouse, peeking in the first floor windows as she went.

“All clear on the first floor and the main area,” she told us, her voice tinny in the earpiece. “It looks really abandoned. Move on in. There are three stairways up to the second floor section. See if you can take one each and clear the route for an easy exit. I’m going to move around to the other side and see what’s on the top floor.”

Personally I thought any route from a deserted building would be an easy exit, but who am I to say.

Regardless, the three of us left on the ground made our way silently into the building and, without conscious discussion, split up between the three stairways. The warehouse, for the main part was just one floor. Huge shelving systems lined it from one end to the other reaching all the way up to the ceiling, all of them empty now except for the nests of a few desperate birds. The left side though, the way Fox was climbing, had a series of offices and rooms which acted somewhat like a second floor. Three metal stairs led up to this area, one at each end and one almost in the middle. There was still no immediate sign of life.

Cautious though, I headed for the stairs furthest back.

“Oh my god!” Fox’s startled exclamation threw me. I went on instant alert. “It’s him, it’s huge! Like I mean huge! I’m going in.”

“Hang on a second, Fox,” I said. “How many of them are there?”

“It’s a bondage scene,” Fox panted. “They have him handcuffed to a bed, naked. It’s the perfect opportunity.”

“Fox,” I called, urging her to caution. “Wait for us.”

I heard nothing more except panting, and the soft pshhing sound of her gun as it fired five, maybe six times.

Then there was an agonizing silence. I hurried up the stairs, no longer concerned about how much noise I made. The others too, rushed ahead to their entrance doors.

“Locked!” Lynx said.

Damn the luck. Mine was locked too.

“And mine,” added Otter.

“Okay, do your best girls. We gotta go help Fox.” I told them.

“What are you doing here?” A male voice came through the earpiece that made even my frigid stomach melt.

“Just shut up and do as you’re told.” Fox’s voice, thank God she was still alive.

Then I heard the sounds of a struggle, Fox panting as she fought for her life. I fumbled with the lock pick, dropped it and it fell through the holes in the steps. Frustrated I started kicking at the door.

“Oh God, I’m going to die!” Fox!

“Fox, Hold on.” I yelled.

I heard the angry roar of a victorious man.

All had fallen silent by the time I’d managed to kick the door open. Gun in hand I made my way quickly through the small array of offices. Otter and Lynx joined me as we made our way to the final room. Bursting through the door, guns at the ready.

“Oh, hi guys, glad you could make it.” Fox said, primping her hair and checking her make up.

A bunch of civilian camera crew were lying unconscious around the bed, obviously the main scene of the movie. Dennis McLaid sat on the edge of the bed, handcuffed with his hands behind his back. He was bare-chested, wearing only loose sweat pants and long black hair that was slicked in waves across his damp chest. He was staring at Fox with a silly grin on his face.

“I’m being arrested,” he said when he saw me, as if it was the best thing in the world to happen to him.

Reluctantly I put my gun away. Not too sure the danger was over. “Take him to the car.” I waved to Lynx and Otter.

The two agents dragged Dennis away. I walked over to Fox, just to make sure she was alright.

“Everything go okay?” I asked. “We kept trying to contact you.”

“Oh, this thing?” Fox asked tossing the broken headset to the floor. “It kind of gave up in the struggle. Still doesn’t matter, Mission is accumplished.” She walked briskly to the door with an unseen, until now, spring in her stride.

I shook my head, puzzled over the whole affair. “Mission is accomplished, I guess.” I followed her out.

Chapter Two, Otter Gets Wet

It was a bit of a shock to find myself in the newspaper headlines.

“Female groupie kidnaps famous porn star.” I read to the others. And, yep, there I was. My face as plain as my name written in pee in the snow. “How did they get this?” I wanted to know.

“Uhm, I guess one of the cameras must have been running.” Otter said. “I didn’t think to check those things.”

“Well, why me, and not Fox?”

“Perhaps they want to market the footage of Fox’s position?” Otter muttered.

“What was that, Otter?” I asked.

“Ah. Shouldn’t we be starting with the next mission?” she said.

“Oh, I guess.” I said, throwing the paper into the nearest trash can. “It can’t get any worse than this.”


“Wow, lookit this place,” Fox stood up and leaned out of the sunroof as we drove over a Virginian hillside. The whole vista, all three hundred and seventy-five acres of mansion, forest and farmland belonged to our next target, Richard Humper. Fox and Otter had already nicknamed him Big Dick.

“Seems like being a porn star with a big cock makes you rich.” Lynx commented, carefully trying to keep the car on the road while dodging the low branches. No one wanted to see Fox taking the tree branch route out of the car.

“Actually he inherited the mansion and lands from his parents,” Otter told us. “He only went into porn movies because he found out how big his prick was and wanted to show it off to the world.”

“First class exhibitionist as well as terrorist,” I said dryly. “Nice mix.”

“We’ll I’ll soon be taking him in hand, uh, arresting him,” Otter reassured us. “Oh, pull over here.”

Lynx did a brake turn at seventy miles an hour that spun us a nice one-eighty degrees and left us parked, perfectly, in a small dirt siding set aside for moonlight trysts or a quartet of superspies on a covert mission.

It also left me feeling rather breathless and looking desperately for somewhere to pee.

“Better than the A-team,” Lynx said proudly.

“Right,” I said.

“Okay, Ladies,” Otter stripped down to her bikini and strapped on her jet pack. “According to our sources, Big Dick, is down in the pool area filming a steamy pool scene. I’ll go in and take out the local pack. I’ll need you guys to neutralize the perimeter and keep anyone from interfering.”

“Okay,” I said dubiously. “Are you sure you can handle a two foot erection. Uhm, I mean a six-foot-five guy and his cronies all by yourself.”

“Trust me,” Otter tapped her ear and switched on her headset. “I can handle it, oh yes.”

With that she triggered the pack and took off like an otter in heat. Well, like a human in a jet pack, at least.

“I’m off,” Lynx leaped into the car and started for the other side of the mansion. “I’ll start over that side. You guys work your way in here and circle round. We’ll meet up in the pool area.”

“Roger that,” I agreed.

“Yeah,” Fox nodded, studying Big Dick’s photo. “Wouldn’t you just love to?”

I tried to ignore the wistfulness in her voice.

First port of call, after finding a suitable tree to relieve myself behind, was checking my gun and making sure the stun darts were loaded. It wouldn’t do, after all, to accidentally kill half the population of rural Virginia. Though I admit, after dodging three dozen crazy drivers on the way here, it was a tempting thought.

Once that was done Fox went ahead so she could come around from the back of the house, I moved into the trees a way and traveled parallel to the road. The swimming pool, cameras and movie cast were on this side of the house. It would be interesting to see what a pool porn shoot was like.

“Okay, have landed,” Otter’s heavy whisper came over the earpiece. “Looks like the cast are on break, the only one near the pool is the target. Whoa, those photos weren’t lying.”

“Sounds good Otter. Let us clear the background before you move in.”

“Negative. Negative.” Otter sounded almost desperate. “I have to immobilize him before the crew get back. Moving in, over.”

“Otter, wait!”

It was too late. Rushing forward I got my top tangled in a nearby bramble, scratching my fingers I tried to rip it free.

“Hey, who are you? How did you get in here?” The male voice came over the earpiece.

“I’m your fate and your destiny.” Otter’s voice sounded strange as she neared the man. Grief, he probably had some kind of subliminal electronics working around the house and she was already hypnotized and under his control.

“Fox, Lynx? How are you guys doing?”

“Tough,” Fox said, panting. I’ve run into some of the male cast. Got to toss them…throw them off my tail.”

“Dogs,” Lynx muttered. “I end up with the stinking guard dogs.”

I heard a canine whimper or two as Lynx began stunning her adversary.

“You’re going down,” I heard the man’s commanding voice. “I’m going make you… Argh!”

“Hang on Otter,” I told her, finally ripping half my top off and exposing my right breast to the world. Sheesh the things a superspy has to go through. “I’m coming as quick as I can.”

“Not as fast as me!” Fox squealed.

“All I get is dogs,” Lynx grumbled.

“Mhpph, meel phulup.” Otter said.

“Oh my God, he’s choking her! Hurry up everyone.”

I ran, tripping over tree roots and bracken. I had to save her. The poor girl was probably out of her wits by now.

“Yes, good, good.” He growled. “Now let’s just see how deep you can go.”

“Now he’s going to drown her! Fox, Lynx are you coming?”

“Yes!” Said Fox.

“I wish,” Lynx grouched.

A sound of splashing water came through the headset. From the grunts and groans I could tell that Otter was fighting for her life. But I could see the house at last. The pool was just a few hundred yards away. I ran, straight into a tree.

“Ouch,” I said, picking myself up and holding some of my torn top to my bleeding nose. So what if both my breasts were now exposed to the squirrels and birds? Bloody nose or no bloody nose, no one was going to harm my fellow spy.

Through the branches and bushes ahead I could hear Otter’s screaming. I felt cold. Had my stumbling stupidity made me too late. Then everything was silent. Too silent.

I ran, carefully, for the last few yards until I burst into the pool area. Otter was sitting in a lounger, looking like she’d just had the best vacation in the world and sipping what must have been Big Dick’s cocktail. Big Dick was lying on the side of the pool in a state of semi-conscious. Water marks everywhere on the patio gave an indication of what a terrific struggle it must have been.

Fox stumbled out of the bushes wearing a t-shirt three sizes too large with “Who’s your Sugar Daddy?” on the front. Was she wearing that on the way here? I couldn’t remember.

Lynx, looking almost as tattered and torn as I was came from around the house.

“Fifteen bleeding guard dogs,” she moaned. “Can you believe it, fifteen?”

“Told you I could handle it.” Otter preened, licking her lips as she looked at our defenseless target.

From my angle I could see his limp cock, and felt myself flush. It nearly reached his knees!

“Okay, I’m calling in the bird.” I told them. “Get ready to move out.”

Lynx pulled out a hoisting strap and the three of them fastened it around Big Dick while I radioed for the airlift. Five minutes later Richard Humper, showing off his privates to the entire world, was carried away to a local PIACT holding cell.

“Let’s get out of here. Before they figure out what’s happened.” I said.

“Right,” the others agreed.

Chapter Three, The Lynx Nibbles

“Look at that!” I threw the newspaper on the coffee table, disgusted. “They slapped my boobs all over the front page.”

Lynx picked up the paper studying the headline. “Second famous porn star abducted from home by topless porno groupie.” She read. “Hmm, no mention of terrorist or blowing up the world.”

“Furball is probably keeping that secret until we catch all four.” Otter said. “Wouldn’t do to have the whole world go into a panic.”

“True,” I agreed. “But why the photo of me and not of you guys, and how did you miss the photographer Lynx? You came from that direction.”

“Maybe it was on account of over three hundred guard dogs…”

“Oh Mi God guys, can you believe this?” Fox waved a six by four photo at us. Presumably Stewart Caine, nicknamed Candy Cane, because of his stiff rod.

“Hey, that’s mine.” Lynx tried to grab the picture, but missed by an inch as Otter snatched it first.

“Oh, man. Could it really be real?” She shoved the picture under my nose and I managed a quick glimpse before Lynx snuck it back.

The man’s penis, flaccid, looked like it was three feet long.

“It says here,” Fox was reading from Lynx’s portfolio now. “That his most popular party trick is to stand on the bar and stir the cocktails—without bending his knees or using his hands!”

Dear Lord…!

“Hey, you’re playing with my man, uh, target,” Lynx protested.

“Well, if he’s your target missy,” Fox challenged. “Why are we still here?”

Lynx swallowed. “Well, it’s quite a big…job,” she admitted.

“Nothing we can’t deal with,” I told her firmly, we had to get on with the missions soon. Preferably before I became public figure number one and everyone could recognize me. “Where is Mr. Cane located now?”

“Well, intelligence suggests he’s taking a break from working and is at home in his penthouse apartment, Washington, DC.”

“Great,” I said, picking up the phone and dialing headquarters. “Four tickets for Reagan National coming up.”


“Nice digs,” Otter cooed as we deactivated the rear security door and made our way into the apartment building. “Bet these places go for nothing less than five thousand bucks a month.”

“Eight thousand a month for the efficiency,” Lynx corrected. “Twenty-five for the penthouse.”

“So what’s the plan of action?” I asked as we tried, inconspicuously as possible, to look like the local cleaning crew coming in for the late evening shift. We had roughly sixty minutes before the real cleaning crew arrived.

“Fox and I are heading for the roof. She’ll be standing watch up there and making sure the abseiling rope doesn’t break while I force open the bathroom window. Otter will need to hang around in the foyer outside the penthouse to stop anyone coming in. You’ll need to busy yourself in the entrance foyer. If you see the guards heading for the express elevator, stun ‘em. Once the target has been neutralized, we all convene on the roof for the extraction.”

“Sounds good to me.” I nodded. “Why aren’t you using the Clingers?”

“Of course I’m using the Clingers,” Lynx rolled her eyes at me. “But they’re not too strong against high winds, and sixteen floors up it doesn’t hurt to have a safety line.”

Well, duh! Idiot me for not knowing about stuff that came out after I’d retired. These young ones were too high tech for me.

Lynx stopped in front of a utility closet and jimmied it open. Handing out mops, buckets and brooms to Otter and me, before continuing on.

“Okay everyone, here’s where we part ways. Good luck!” She tapped her ear and set her headset working.

“You too!” We all tapped our ears back.

Pushing the tiny cleaning cart ahead of me through a small door I found myself in the foyer with the two guards. They glanced at me suspiciously a few times but finally ignored me when I started sweeping and mopping, all the while trying my best to look like I knew what I was doing. Geesh, I had my manservant, butler and boys from the cleaning crew do this for me at home. Well, at least when they weren’t looking after me in other ways. I mean a girl has to eat you know…

Trying not to blush as I remembered a particularly interesting quartet, I swept a pile of dust behind a flowerpot when I heard the first positive news through the earpiece.

“Heading for the bathroom window now,” Lynx said. “Wind’s a bit rough, but the Clingers are holding.”

Everything looked good so far. The two guards looked bored as they sat behind the counter. One was tossing pistachios in his mouth, cracking them with his teeth and spitting out the shells. The other was reading a newspaper while every now and then glancing at the changing views on the security CCTV.

“What’s this? Light is on in the bathroom.”

“Lynx,” I whispered. “Pull back.”

“He’s in the shower. Oh man. Oh man. That’s not a cock, that’s a walking stick!”

“Lynx, abort, I repeat, abort. You’ve got to be careful.” The guard with the newspaper looked at me oddly as I began frantically sweeping the corners, driven half crazy by my anxiety for Lynx.

“Oh, I’ll be careful,” Lynx said. “I’ve brought condoms… Ah, cuffs, brought cuffs with me. Okay, going in!”


The guards must have thought I was some kind of lunatic, squeaking like that. Fortunately they didn’t seem to be paying too much mind. Probably because a small crowd of something seemed to be building up outside the entrance. Pistachio Guard was going to have a look.

“Hey, how did you get in here?”

I heard Candy Cane growl. Lynx’s response was drowned by the sound of running water. Cane had probably opened the shower door to grab for her.

“It doesn’t fit. You’re too big.” Lynx wailed.

Dammit, she couldn’t get the cuffs on him. “Girls, get in there, help her.” I inched my way a little closer to the door, what the hell was going on out there? Had somebody cottoned on to us?

Lynx’s screams mixed with the man’s curses and yells. They were having a real battle in there, and I felt frustrated and useless. What could I do?

“I’m going to toss you off!” He yelled.

Oh no! He was going to throw her off the building! That must be why all the photographers and people were gathered outside. Police? Pistachio Guard was opening the door to let in the police? Second Guard still paid no attention to anything and folded over the paper.

Lynx’s screams suddenly fell silent. What should I do?

“Wolf,” Otter’s voice. “It’s okay, target is subdued. I’m sending down the elevator for you.”

“And Lynx?”

“Looks like she got the cream,” Otter seemed to be chuckling. “And plenty of it.”

Dear God, Thank you! Lynx was safe. I turned, began to sweep my way towards the elevator as the entrance doors opened. Second Guard looked at the newspaper, looked at me, then looked at the newspaper again.

“It’s her!” He yelled. “It’s the topless porn star kidnapping groupie!”

Panicked I glanced behind me. Too slow. It gave Pistachio Guard enough time to grab the neck of my top and the waist of my pants. Cameras were flashing everywhere.

I had to do it. Why, oh why, did I decide not to wear my undies today? I made a quick dash for the elevator, the doors just beginning to open. The special “tear before wear” fabric ripped apart as I ran. The innovative PIACT material was a good expedient to prevent being caught by your clothing but it left me running for the elevator in nothing but my practical and very unsexy loafers. My bare fanny and all, wiggling for everyone to see.

It seemed like the camera flashes tripled.

Safety! I leaped into the elevator and slammed the penthouse button.

“Oh no you don’t,” Second Guard tried to grab me, jamming himself into the doorway.

I did a quick arabesque penchée. While he paused to gape at my full feminine glory I span into a fast pirouette, stopped, tapped his gaping mouth shut with my right hand, kissed his lips ever so lightly, and grabbed his crotch with my left hand. Not too tightly, since he was really an innocent in all this. One quick squeeze and a twist, and Second Guard wasn’t too interested in catching me anymore since he was lying, whimpering, on the floor.

The elevator doors closed in a flood of flashing lights.

Up on the roof I could hear the police sirens closing in. Our four “parcels” had been placed on the roof by PIACT base and Lynx already had her target strapped, face up, on the small motorbike looking thing.

“Isn’t he supposed to be face down?” I asked.

Lynx and the others looked at me with varying expressions of surprise and curiosity.

“You do things your way, I do things my way.” Lynx countered giving me an obvious once over before laying herself on top of the semi-conscious man. Was she wearing panties under that skirt of hers? “Okay let’s get out of here before it gets much hotter than it is,’ she said.

With that she gunned her machine to life and shot over the edge of the building. Tight metal wings snapped out of the side of the craft and within moments Lynx was disappearing up into the night sky.

Hearing all the commotion on the street below, the three of us quickly followed suit.

Damn, these missions were harder than I remembered.

Much harder.

Chapter Four – The Wolf Howls.

“Naked ballet dancing kidnapping groupie takes porn star number three,” Fox dutifully read to me for the fifth time this morning. Like, maybe, I hadn’t already read it ten times. And they got the most awful pictures of me too.

“It was kind of unlucky that Hugh Jackman was visiting the building at the time we did the mission. All those photographers…” Otter faded out when she saw my glare.

Dear God! As if being seen buck naked wasn’t bad enough, but being seen buck naked by Hugh Jackman? Especially since it wasn’t reciprocal…

“We need to get on with the last mission,” I reminded them, pulling out my files on Rodney Dickman a.k.a. Randy Rod. After this one I could sink back into my fully clothed anonymity and forget about the world and its super large penises.

“Well, I suppose he’s alright,” Otter said scowling at the photograph. “He’s rather tiny though.”

“Doubt if he’s much more than twelve inches,” Fox agreed.

“Tsk, fourteen inches and five sixteenths,” I chided them. “Besides size doesn’t matter. I’m only going to arrest him.”

“Uhuh,” Otter grinned. “So where’s Randy at?”

I checked my files for his itinerary that research had put in there and compared it to the date on the newspaper.

“At the moment he’s…Oh God!” I shook my head.

“What?” Fox asked. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s currently attending a five day conference in California for the porn movie industry.” I groaned. This was the last thing I needed lots of people around—lots of naked people around.

“Cool,” Lynx said, licking her lips and rubbing her hands together.

“This is going to be fun!” Fox giggled.

“Let’s do it!” said Otter.


Heels clicking like the savvy businesswoman I was trying to be, I led my trio of “wannabe’s” over to the reception desk of the conference hotel. Our disguise where I was posing as the agent for three sumptuous porn movie models seemed to be working well—each of them had at least three offers for the casting couch before we even got there.

“I could just do this for a living,” Fox sighed.

“You are doing it for a living,” I reminded her to stay in character. Geesh, young ‘uns. “I believe we have reservations for room 1214.” I told the young man behind the desk, hoping that his eyes didn’t pop out from staring at my colleagues. At least until after he’d given me the keycards.

“Uh, here we are,” he fiddled with the computers and passed me various bits and pieces. “You’re in the room next to Randy Rod.”

Of course we were, that was how our PIACT contact had arranged things. I signed something, picked up some keycards. Otter leaned across the desk and stroked a long red fingernail down his chin. He flushed as a mega woody forced a pavilion sized tent in his pants.

“With one as big as that I could have you starring in your own movie in a week,” I told him. Then walked away, leaving the girls giggling and flirting with the flustered lad.

Up in the room I had the bellhop drop the dozen or so suitcases on the floor and stand then gathered the girls round.

“Right,” I tapped my ear to set the headpiece working. “Lynx you and Fox go guard the corridor to stop anyone coming in while I subdue the guy. And you go out on the balcony Otter to make sure no one tries to come in that way.”

“What? Who’s gonna come…?” Otter complained.

“Just humor me,” I told her, taking out a small silent motor drill and drilling a hole in the wall adjoining Rod’s room and ours.

Sticking an optiscope through the hole I could tell the room was, so far, empty. More fortunately the section of wall I’d chosen had nothing against it. Good.

Taking out the silent rip saw I started cutting a door sized hole in the wall, I’ll show these youngsters a thing or two about covert operations. All three of them gawked at me in total admiration.

“What are you waiting for?” I told them. “Get to your stations.”

They wandered off with mutters like, “She’s ripping the place apart.” “Totally crazy, crazy I say.”

Finishing the last cut I pushed the inner shape forward and the cut part of the wall fell away with a flumph. So what if the light fixture had snagged my sleeve and ripped my top off. Makes mental note to self to wear undies on future missions. There, I had gained undetectable access to the target’s room.

I stepped through the newly made doorway and prepared to await the arrival of Mr. Randy Rod. I’ll show this sexual terrorist a thing or too about security measures.

I turned and stopped, stunned, Mr. Rod was standing there wearing nothing but a bath towel and a shocked gape on his face.

“Uhm, Hi! I think they have termites,” I waved my arm at the hole, then noticed his gaze swinging back and forth with my breasts. “Uhm, Hi?”

“I’ve gotta have them,” he said, reaching for me. My tummy started doing wonderful butterfly kisses.

“Now, ah, let’s talk about this.” I stuttered, turning I tripped over the debris from the door and landed on my back on the bed.

“Looks good,” he grinned, then tripped over the same debris to land beside me, his mouth, magically, fastening around my nipple.

“Ooooh!” His tongue and lips sent a telegraph to my clit and instantly set me to boiling point.

“Oh my god, he’s killing her.” I heard Otter yell. “We’ve gotta go in.”

I found my hand had somehow made its way beneath the towel and had grabbed his fourteen and five sixteenths and was gently massaging the head. Going by his heated growls I gathered I was a pretty good job.

“It’s hard,” I gasped to the girls. “But I think I can take it.”

“Fourteen and three quarter inches?” Rod asked, amazed. “Let me give it to you.”

So I was only one sixteenth out. Outside I heard Fox and Lynx banging on the door, but that wasn’t the kind of banging I was currently interested in so I ignored it.

“He’s beating her up!” Lynx said. “Otter get in there.”

“I can’t get in, the balcony door locked behind me.”

“Bring it on big boy,” I gave his cock an extra hard squeeze. “I can take all you’ve got.”

The hungry look on his face told me he’d accepted the challenge as he ripped off my pants. Maybe it was a good thing I wasn’t wearing any panties.

“You’d better get ready, because here it comes.”

His mouth kissed a hot trail from my breast up to my neck as something hard and even more welcome slipped up the inside of my thigh, coming to rest between the lips of my sex.

“Oh yes.” I gripped his head and mashed my lips against his, wrapping my legs around him and trying to force him into me.

He obliged.

I screamed.

It was like being impaled by a parking bollard, it felt fantastic.

“See, you can’t take it,” he boasted.

The yells and frantic beating on the door grew louder. I wriggled and jiggled my bottom until Rod’s rod was firmly implanted to the hilt. Just for extra punishment I gave him one of my special PIACT trained squeezes. It made him double cross his eyes.

“That does it,” he grunted. “I’m going to finish this off.”

“Please do,” I whimpered as he began to pound into me. Damn, I was almost already there.

The girls, the yells, even the fact I was a PIACT agent in the process of arresting this guy slipped my mind as my body built up to the most mindblowing orgasm I’d ever had.

Tossing and turning beneath him I screamed as wave after wave of sheer mind numbing pleasure blasted through me. I felt him twitch and jerk as he filled me with his love juice, and then collapsed, exhausted, on top of me.

Catching my breath I ran my fingers through his hair, gazing into his crystal green eyes before kissing him, hard.

“Uhm, I need to go pee,” I said.

“Oh, okay.”

He rolled off the bed and I sat up, quickly snatching my gun as he grabbed his.

“PIACT, you’re under arrest!”

“PIACT, you’re under arrest!”

We both shouted together.



The door burst open and Otter, Lynx and Fox dashed in. Three tiny darts embedded themselves into Randy Rod’s yummy flesh, and he collapsed on the bed. His rod still deliciously hard.

“Quickly,” Otter said. “The police are on their way.”

As Fox and Lynx carried Rod out onto our balcony Otter took the rocket bolt crossbow from a suitcase along with a three hundred foot rope. One shot and she’d attached the rope to a streetlamp just above a plain white van parked on the street below. The other end she fastened to a second bolt shot into the wall just above our heads.

Getting the five harnesses out of another suitcase Lynx helped us get the unconscious Rod onto the zip line, then set her harness up first.

“I’ll go down and get her started. Fox you take care of Randy here, Otter follow her up. You’re last I’m afraid Wolf.” Lynx grinned. “But then you do like the publicity.”

Before I could respond the others were already zipping their way down the zip line. Not wanting to be left too far behind I leaped into the harness and followed. Watching as Lynx fell through the fake roof of the van and crawled quickly into the driver’s seat. Swinging wildly down the rope heading for escape and freedom, my delicate treasures on view for the entire world to see, I noticed the small gathering of newspaper cameramen—and the local TV station’s camera crew…

Epilog – Coming to an end.

“Starkers trapeze artist ballet dancing porn star groupie stages daring kidnap of porn star number four.” I threw the newspaper aside in disgust. Noting, especially, the Playboy style photo they had of me on the front page. “You can’t trust tabloids.”

“Well, you’re a smash on YouTube, last I saw you had over five million hits,” Fox tried to encourage me.

“Twitter’s gone crazy too, you’ve got the number one spot there.” Otter added.

Geesh, all this and I’d just spent a long hard night, uhm, interrogating my prisoner.

“You are a celebrity,” Lynx grinned.

The grin didn’t last long though. We were all sitting in the “couch” room as Fox so quaintly named it. It was difficult to wait for Furball and Dragon to appear behind the screen and everyone was more than a little subdued.

“Just look at it this way,” Otter tried to cheer me up. “At least no one was looking at your face…”

Fortunately the lights went off and the screen lit up before I could clonk her one.

“Ladies, ladies. Fantastic job.” Furball praised us. “You have done excellent work and eliminated four very deadly enemies from our nation’s shores.”

Behind him Dragon clapped her praise.

“Yes, but what were they doing?” Fox asked.

“They were going to blow up the world.” Furball replied with a cocked wave of his hand. “Simple as that.”

“But how?” Lynx pushed. “I didn’t see any minions, secret labs, bombs—“

“Oh, don’t worry about those little details,” Furball reassured us. “They’ve all been taken care of.”

“But are they really terrorists?” I asked.

The atmosphere on the other side of the screen was beginning to feel very frosty.

“Of course they are, what else would they be?” Furball demanded.

“Maybe they had a special attribute.” Otter suggested.

“Like a penis bigger than fourteen and five sixteenths of an inch?” Fox added.

“Bigger than yours, maybe?” I asked.

Furball stood up, showing his anger, Dragon fidgeted nervously.

“How dare you suggest—“ Furball began and was stopped by the door opening suddenly and Randy Rod, uhm Rodney Dickman and half a dozen PIACT Special Security guards stormed through the door.

Two of the guards ran forward and tore the screen down, while Rodney turned on the overhead lights.

“I knew it!” I said, instantly recognizing Evil Octuplet Number One. “You have done something with Furball and Dragon and took their place so you could kidnap all the porn stars with bigger dicks than yours. You wanted to get them out of circulation.”

Evil Octuplet Number Eight--the gay one, dressed in a tight fitting skirt suit and red wig looked shocked, then angry.

“You lied!” he screamed pulling out something from behind Number One’s chair. “You said you were keeping them safe for me.”

With a sound akin to a barrage of machine gun fire Number Eight--the Gay One, started up his machine.

“Oh no!” Number One yelled. “He’s got Henry!”

All the men in the room suddenly covered their privates with their hands.

“Girls!” I snapped the order and Otter did a quick two step forward roll and belched, incredibly loudly, in Number Eight’s face. He staggered around, looking confused.

Fox did a quick flip and ended up behind him, she started whacking him on the head with a frozen beer jug while talking nine to the dozen in his ear. Eight struggled for breath, unable to move.

Lynx kicked Henry out of his hands, knocked him to the floor and sat on his head.

“Target immobilized,” she reported.

With Henry--the chainsaw--happily chewing his way through the priceless Chesterfield antique furniture Rodney and his men moved in to handcuff and arrest the two evil octuplets.

“Very well done,” Rodney came over to me and touched my cheek. The combination of his voice and fingers suddenly sapping my strength.

“I couldn’t have brought it off without you,” I told him.

“Of course not,” he answered with a wicked grin.

“Hey, Wolf, in here.”

Walking over to Lynx I could hear sounds of struggling from behind the door next to her. Opening it carefully we could see Furball and Dragon tied up and gagged on the bed.

I quickly untied Furball’s gag.

“Wow, thanks a lot,” he smiled. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind untying us, we’ll be out in a couple of hours or so.”

Dragon smiled coyly and blushed.

Leaving the couple happily ensconced on their bed I shut the door behind me.

“Well, ladies,” I told the gang. “Looks like we were all mislead a bit there. I suggest you all go back to your targets and find some way to make an apology to them. We wouldn’t want any paternit…lawsuits against us now would we?’

“Yes, sir!” They all saluted in unison, then fell over each other in their rush to get out of the door.

“And you, sir,” I plucked Rodney’s lip just testing its plumpness prior to nibbling it. “I believe I might need to apologize a little more to you.”

“Hmm, for maybe a year or two at least,” he nuzzled my ear, making me wonder if we’d be able to make it back to my place in time.

“I believe they have a spare bedroom through there,” he said, gently squeezing my nipple and leading me to the back of the penthouse.

Nope, we wouldn’t be getting back—

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