30 April 2011

Getting Your Perspective Twisted

I live in the Southeast United States, East Tennessee to be specific. I love it here, I really do. Small enough to be comfortable, big enough to offer almost anything you could want, from ballet to bakeries.

Wednesday we had a history making weather event when four huge lines of storms, including several tornadoes tore through the area. My husband and I spent all day watching TV or listening to the radio. As long as I could (between storms) I got Online and talked to my daughter on the phone. By the time it was over, we were left without electricity or home phone, but thankful that we and those we cared about were alive and safe.

We found later that almost every one of my family and close friends, though spread out all over, had been very close to the path of at least one of the tornadoes. Not little ones either. These were huge EF-3’s and EF-4’s. Keep in mind, I’ve lived in Tennessee my entire life, and have never been really close to a tornado. Even when we get twisters, they’re of the small variety. Not this time.

All day we sat and wondered when the next round was coming (there were 4 altogether). I managed to get a bit of writing done and did a little housework and stuff. But being on edge for so many hours straight was not conducive to getting work done. It was exhausting, however. Two days out, and I’m still tired.

Somewhere, in the middle of all that craziness, my perspective shifted. I’m not sure exactly how to put the change into words, mostly because I don’t really understand the change myself. Yeah, some of it is the clich├ęd old “I realized life was too short not to live fully.” But it was deeper than that. After all, this was hardly the first time I’ve looked death in the face and walked away. It wasn’t even so much about death and loss, it was about giving myself permission to let passion come out and play. I want to write passionately, to live passionately, to BE passionately. I think I’ve been afraid of that, afraid of the power I sometimes feel shifting inside me, like the magma preparing to burst out of a volcano.

Maybe I’ve kept the real me capped off, held back, caged my whole life. She wants out now. I’m excited. And terrified.

Have a safe rest of the weekend!

Cheryel
www.cheryelhutton.com
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