My life is a bad movie...

Ever watch soap operas? Did you ever wonder how many times the old "amnesiac" ploy was used as a convenient plot device? Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I turned up my nose at a book, TV, or movie that used it.

Well, now I can say I know what it's like.

A couple weeks ago, it was the day before a long-planned vacation was to begin. I spent the day finishing up work, running last minute errands, and packing. In the rush I forgot to eat, and didn't drink much of anything other than a diet Coke. Temperatures hit close to 100 degrees that day.

That night, after dinner, I was watching TV and chatting with my son's girlfriend. As I stood up to run take a potty break, the world tilted dangerously and I sat back down, afraid to move.

That's pretty much the last thing I remember until I woke up in my own bed late the next morning, wondering why no one had awakened me to catch the plane.

As my haggard, pale-faced family filled me in on the details, my mouth dropped open in disbelief.

I began to throw up. And I didn't stop for eight hours.

I was transported by ambulance to the closest hospital.

I was given several bags of IV fluids to combat severe dehydration, brought on by not drinking in the heat, then throwing up for several hours. They took an MRI and a CAT scan of my head and neck, fearing a stroke or blood clot. Both were negative.

The ER staff couldn't get enough blood out of me to do thorough tests.I was given eight doses of an anti-nausea medication to no avail. Finally they tried an anti-anxiety medicine called Atavan.

That's when things got really interesting.

Atavan apparently unleashed a variety of latent personalities that lurk in my subconscious. The stubborn, whiny three-year-old. The hippie free spirit who abhors clothing. The over-dramatic diva. Oh, and let's not forget the foul-mouthed biker bitch.

I'm told I did everything but make my head spin around. Only my husband and daughter (a nurse) witnessed the personality deconstruction. Her boyfriend, my son and his girlfriend were out of the room at the time. Thank God for small mercies.

We still don't know the exact cause. It was probably dehydration, exacerbated by food poisoning from something I ate at dinner.

The weirdest thing? I don't remember any of it.

The funniest? One of my fellow BtV buddies said, "There's a book in there somewhere."

If I had a nickel...

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Post script: The vacation went off without a hitch, with only a one-day delay. I feel fine and all seems to be well, though I do plan to visit my doctor for follow up blood tests.

--Carolan
www.carolanivey.com