12 June 2014

13 Ways to Spice Up Your Writer's Block!

Muzziness and unclear thinking got your writing productivity down like it has mine? Here's a random list of herbs and spices purported to give mental clarity and purity of thought!

1) Brahmi. This sounds very like brony, which are dudes who love My Little Pony. I can see how that would help with creative writing and writer's block -- think outside the gender box, man!

2) Gotu kola. What kind of cola is that? Go to cola? I'll go to a cola and drink it and then write better. Good to know.

3) Ashwaghandha. So, a quick Google confirms this herb, also known as Indian ginseng, has a strong horse-like smell. I do like the smell of horses, and I didn't realize that the smell of horses would help with writer's block. Bonus!

4) Vacha. That's, like, cow in Spanish, right? So the smell of horses and the smell of cows. Uh. I really like the smell of horses better. But BEEF, now, that would be a nice remedy for writer's block. Especially if I'm trying to write and somebody else cooks dinner and brings me a nice, grilled steak. HINT HINT, KIDS.

5) Tulsi. Nothing against Oklahoma? But I don't personally live in Oklahoma, and if I have to visit Tulsi to break free of writer's block, I don't think that's very practical. Also, Tulsi is aka holy basil and since it's religious, I guess I shouldn't make fun of it. Sorry, Oklahoma.

6) Rosemary. Hey, I have a plant out front. And I don't know what to write next about rosemary. BRB, going to smell some bush.

7) Peppermint. I'm back! The rosemary bush was delightful, especially when we add it to chicken, but I have no peppermint. Except for Altoids, which are purported to contain real peppermint oil. Considering how many of those little sinus bombs I eat, it's amazing I ever get writer's block.

8) Basil. Now, the basil's in my back yard, in the square foot garden. It's actually growing this year, as opposed to last year, when SOMEBODY who is married to me let the kids plant whatever they wanted wherever they wanted and nothing came up. Who could that be? I had to take over. I guess it was good for my writing, since I instinctively planted basil. Now if only somebody else would get me a salad.

9) Rooibus. Who's bus? Roo's bus! Roo's bus is Kanga. But all that jumping, I don't know if I could focus. I'd probably get motion sick and barf. But, you know, I could write about what it's like to ride in a kangaroo's pouch. That would be an unusual topic.

10) Ginkgo biloba. A relative of the Bagginses of Bag End? Or a lesser known Spanish conquistador who got lost in the Bermuda Triange before we knew it was the Bermuda Triangle? The first one I don't think I'm allowed to write about because copyright. But the second one....

11) Green tea. Man, that's just caffeine. I'll take mine as a coffee, thanks.

12) Oatstraw. Ok, really? What's that, oatmeal with Weetabix in it? Oh, MUESLI. Which is supposed to unstopper writer's block. Sure, if writer's block = your colon. Which I guess it could.

13) Skullcap. I'm wearing a gnome cap right now and it's not helping. I guess I should switch to a beanie?

Hell, now I'm just too hot. Stinkin' perimenopause. I need to go look for some herbs that fix that.

Jody Wallace
Author, Cat Person, Amigurumist of the Apocalypse
http://www.jodywallace.com  * http://www.meankitty.com  
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