29 January 2010

Time machine, anyone?

I've noticed something odd lately. I'm getting... older.

Duh, right? But really, I still feel basically the same inside as I did when I was in my early twenties. Only now... hmmmmm. Some things are changing. I'm not sure I like it. Okay, honestly, I know I don't, at least not when it comes to the purely cosmetic and... I'll admit... vain things in life.

I bring this up because today I got my first pair of bifocals. (shudder) I should have gotten them a year ago, but that young person still living inside me shouted: "NO! Those are for old people!"

It got to the point where I couldn't read for pleasure. Believe me, that is NOT acceptable! So, the mature me slapped the youngster around and shouted back this time: "Shut up, idiot! I need these."

A person can only squint so hard before getting a headache. I am not one of the lucky people who can remove their glasses and hold the printed page/bottle/whatever at arms' length... that nasty old astigmatism makes me impossibly blind as a bat.

Thank heavens for progressive lenses. Although I know these are bifocals, no one else has to. Unless I tell them. The other signs of aging, however, are a little harder to hide. And so, I present...

You might be getting older if:

1. You consider late-night television to be anything that comes on after nine p.m. Ten on the weekends.

2. Your idea of a great weekend means staying home, reading and watching television. Anything 'exciting' usually involves trauma and mayhem you'd rather not deal with.

3. Anything fried, spicy or the least bit acidic... ie, anything you ate during high school/college on a regular basis... will cause heartburn or an upset stomach. Bring on the Pepto! (Corollary: Antacids become your fifth major food group.)

4. It seems you only have to think about fattening foods in order to gain weight. Seriously. I swear it's true.

5. You frequently find yourself using the phrase: "I remember when ...." or "Back in my day...." You get the picture.

I could go on, but I won't. However, feel free to add a few of your own. If you can remember them. (GGGG)

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