This month a friend of mine, Kelly Valen, will enjoy the debut of her book, The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships (Random House). This nonfiction is about relationships women have with one another. Her research was based on a survey of more than 3,000 women and comes complete with some interesting surprises. The Twisted Sisterhood is receiving lots of acclaim already and I wish Kelly the best.
Kelly’s book got me thinking about the girlfriends I’ve had over the years. Mostly good, others kind of bad, and some were, let’s just say ugly.
At age ten, my “best friend” convinced the fifth-grade class to ostracize me. I was teased for being a goody-two-shoes and teacher’s pet. I will never forget the day I walked into the classroom, sat down, and all the kids picked up their desks and moved away from me. I was left sitting at the lone desk in the middle of the room.
At the age of twelve, my two best-friends decided not to be friends with me anymore. Their reasoning? I was “too nice”.
Three different girls tried to snag my boyfriend from my arms. Although, to be fair, only one of them was my friend at the time.
In high school two “friends” ditched me when we were supposed to walk to lunch together. Once again I was left alone. No idea why. But it did force me to make a conscious decision--
I wasn't going to put up with mean girls anymore.
I searched out the nicest girl I could find, introduced myself and asked if I could eat lunch with her. When she said, “Sure.” Lisa became a dear friend that I have cherished for the past thirty years.
My point to this walk down memory lane? I can still remember the mean girls and what they did to me. They taught me important lessons about not hurting people’s feelings, standing up to harassment, and hanging on to true friendship. But honestly? They were not THAT important in the whole scheme of things. Barely a blip on the screen of all the friends I have had in my life.
Seriously, it would take weeks to even begin to discuss all the beautiful sisters, mothers, and readers who love me. And even then I'd only be scratching the surface. My life has been full of women who have brought me joy, companionship, hugs, shared tears, great food, shelter, smiles and laughter.
The mean girls are a few drops in a bucket. My true friends fill it up.
How about you?
Kimberley Troutte
www.kimberleytroutte.com
Step Into The Mists with our adventurous band of award-winning authors to otherworlds of paranormal, SF, fantasy and speculative romance. Nervous? Don't be. The creatures that live here are friendly. Most of the time... This blog is for age 18 and over only.
8 comments:
You're so right about the mean girls. They aren't even worth the time it takes to tell them where to go. Your true friends are what's important and they'll carry you through life's ups and downs.
It's good for us to remember to cherish them.
Amen, Minx!
Thanks for the comment.
Love your post, Kimberley. I've had my share of dysfunctional friendships, and it taught me to be picky. By the time I finished high school I could count my close friends on one hand - and most of us still communicate to this day.
That's not to say I haven't made blunders in my adult life, but each friendship taught me something I needed to know about myself. :)
Good point, Carolan.
I've learned from all my relationships. Even the not-nice ones.
Plus, I think I've passed on to my kids how important it is to be kind to others and to help kids that are being treated badly.
Good point, Carolan.
I've learned from all my relationships. Even the not-nice ones.
Plus, I think I've passed on to my kids how important it is to be kind to others and to help kids that are being treated badly.
Oh well. It posted twice.
Guess I REALLY meant it. Ha.
You're right, Kim, true friends are precious.
I have one girlfriend from middle school. We managed to remain friends even through a rough patch in high school where I tried to be cool. (Notice, I said tried, not became.)Now, as adults, living across the country, we may not get together very often, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. And that is precious.
Where are the mean girls? Where are the ultra-cool-gotta-be-in-their-circle-to-be-populare-girls? Not a clue. And I'm okay with that. I finally figured out what a true friend is all about.
You are cool, C.C.
Just sayin' :)
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